Crash Course in Confidence: Displaying Dominance Without Being Domineering Through Self-Acceptance

“Just be yourself”, “fake it until you make it”, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”; we’ve all heard aphorisms along these lines and thought “it sounds easy enough” or “easy for you to say, you’re already famous which is why we’re listening to you in the first place”.

It’s easy to get an initial gung-ho feeling when we first wake up to the presence of our insecurities and begin to feel like we can make a real difference in this world.

However, that feeling can quickly diminish amidst the old ideas like “if everyone could do this, why aren’t they?” or “who am I to do better for myself than those struggling around me with the same issues?”.

Those thoughts take root because the ego’s job is to make you believe that discomfort is something to be afraid of.

Not only does doing something different cause us to fear replacing “the devil we know” but it’s the fear that we’ll somehow lose our “humility” by setting ourselves above our social circle when we shed the old destructive patterns that allowed us to make friends in the first place.

Side Note: Can we pause for a second and examine this thing called: humility?

In my opinion Rick Warren (often misattributed to C.S. Lewis) said it perfectly;

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”

Becoming the fullest version of yourself (by loving and accepting all parts as perfect because they make up the whole) allows you to spread your wings as far as they can stretch.

The first thing people notice when they start to grasp this idea is the false sense that this is selfishness, that by taking all that is rightfully yours leaves less for others.

Let me say it again; THIS IS FALSE!

When you view and understand the world as the interconnected whole (and know it as unlimited and pure potential, rather than divisive, competitive, and a zero-sum-game), you immediately realize that holding yourself back in any area is helping to create the sense of scarcity that is hiding behind your bad habits in the first place and is fueling all of our fears.

That said, how do you comfortably dismiss this fear of becoming some “over powering presence” that people don’t want to be around because it sheds light on the things they may not want to look at?

One word: Love

sunset hands love woman

The kind of love that poets and playwrights have been filling the world with impressions of since time immemorial.

When you love and accept yourself (truly), the way these poets speak of loving someone else, you unlock the path to demonstrating to people that you can become “better” in the aspects you share with them while not needing them to change those aspects within themselves.

True-love (whether self-love or for a partner) is felt when there is an absolute non-existence of all judgement.

Let me be clear: that doesn’t mean you fail to classify aspects you see as “positive” or “negative”, it means you do this while withholding desire to expel the negative or the need to cling to the positive. [I will be hammering this point over and over in my posts]

When you know what that love feels like (which can only be felt and understood as “true” AFTER you feel it for yourself) you can look at all those you come in contact with and truthfully say;

I love you as you are, not as I need you to be.

This is the root of true confidence and is not something you can “fake” nor does it need or ask you to.

Faking is hiding from and trying to deny the parts you are uncomfortable with. Faking is the biggest sign of an internal attempt to control and control is the root of domineering behavior.

As anyone that has met leaders and figureheads that embody full acceptance and love will tell you, they are powerful AND present. They give their full attention to everyone they talk to which makes others feel elevated and confident, not lesser-than or judged.

Become your full self by loving and accepting the things you find that you may not be proud of.

That’s it, it’s that simple.

The most difficult thing you’re going to find is how much of yourself your ego has actively been hiding from you over the years.

The more you’re present with yourself the more “light” will expose these “darker” elements. Thus, if you aren’t being truthful with yourself about your self-acceptance you will quickly close the door on the scarier parts as they get revealed.

Be patient, be kind, be honest, but most importantly; just be love.

boy wearing orange shirt blowing on dandelion

You are love behind all the layers.

Remember, the fear that bubbles up is the lie.

Each and everyone of us needed to tell these lies to survive the times that established their position in, and significance to, our sense of self.

Try your best to be nice to the little kid inside your head that just wants everybody to get along, be friends, and have fun. He did the absolute best he could with what he had at the time (and still is).

Stay with the fear and it will show you a clear outline, as it was always meant to, on the path to understanding and compassion as you embark on the road to what is real.


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