True Love: Myths, Misdirections, and Misery Masquerading as Its Opposite

What is True Love?

A question as old as time, shrouded in fairy tales with long forgotten origins and muddled with feelings of longing and passion.  The sorta thing our intuition screams at us is the “reason we’re here”.

Since it’s something most of us believe we’re born able to recognize, why does it seem to vanish almost the instant we start to feel it?

The answer is something most might not be ready to hear but I can promise you it’s something you’ll want to start to give significant time to if real love is missing from your life (whether you’re in a relationship or not).

Truth is; what we’ve all been looking for, the kind of love we tell each other is out there for us to find, simply doesn’t exist.

Hold on now, that isn’t to say there are no “happy endings” but we have to start by saying that all the other fairy tales out there have been badly misrepresenting real love.

True Love does exist but we need to unwind the simple fact that what you feel it as and what you’ve been told you’re looking for are NOT the same thing.

The cheap knockoff you read about in Sleeping Beauty or convincingly felt as you heard the line “you complete me” in some romcom is the lie meant to help us avoid seeing that version for what it really is;

Fear masquerading as Love

If nothing else I say in this article makes sense, please begin to realize what these prevalent myths don’t want you to believe; and that is simply this;

Only you can complete you

Let me say that a different way so that we might start to see how we ever thought otherwise;

black and white black and white depressed depression

Egos need other egos to survive!

If everyone realized they are the love they seek and its source is within you and we need no one else to feel its full power…

…the ego’s fear engine would lose its fuel source permanently!

Wake up “Sleeping Beauty” every morning by kissing that beautiful face staring back at you in the mirror.

Now you might be thinking “that’s all fine and good but if I can understand that concept why do I still have this longing in my core for something external?”.

I’m so happy you ask, that is the difference between knowing there is an illusion in play and being able to see through it.

Most of us think that when you fully comprehend something as an illusion (or as “not what it appears to be”) that comprehension will immediately lift the veil and we can expose Oz standing behind the curtain and move on. This sadly isn’t the case.

It’s like standing at the foot of a mountain looking at the peak and thinking “ok any second I’ll be at the top enjoying the view and snapping pics for my Instagram”.

This distinction between knowing and comprehension is one of the real players at work in why love has been able to stay wrapped up in its opposite for so long.

Click Here to Pause For Clarity and Peace:

Wherever you are now, whatever love you have or don’t have in your life is perfect and is exactly what you require on your journey toward full comprehension.

Brief summation from No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering:

We need the feeling of lack to fertilize the soil of understanding for the seeds of compassion to grow fully.

Seeing the top of the mountain, more importantly seeing other people crest its peak, makes us hold tight to the idea that we can close our eyes and be there in an instant because we know where we “should be”. Fear would have you believe you “should be” “up there”, well you’ll hear me say this more than once;

Always believe you’re exactly where you “should be” at this moment, because if you were truly meant to be somewhere else, you’d be there instead.

Nerd Side Note: Only click here if this sounds too much like “everything happens for a reason” and you want to hear a bit more of a scientific outline;

It cracks me up the same people who classify the statement “everything happens for a reason” as “spiritual belief that can be dismissed by science as random events that humans give meaning to” seem to be the same people who hold fast to science’s theory of cause and effect.

How are those ideas different?

At any given point in time you can look back and see the reason (cause) for what happened (effect) but as it’s occurring it feels somehow more “logical” to say that it’s all random, um, am I the only one who hears the contradiction arising from the attempt to make one side “right” on the backs of making the other side “wrong”.

This Paradoxical Existence we’re all living dictates that we start to realize things as both, simultaneously true and false, to allow for perception or consciousness to exist.

Without light we cannot perceive (or measure) darkness. Without true we cannot define false. Without subject(ive) there is no object(ive).

Everything is and isn’t, just ask Shrodinger’s Cat.


There aren’t any portal guns to open a gateway into another dimension that I’m aware of.

However, fear (or logic) would have us believe that we can control everything in this moment if we just had all the variables.

Control is fear’s ultimate trick to create a sense of love because we mistake feeling safe with love.

cyclone fence in shallow photography

Please don’t be fooled. Control is the root of all arguments, violence, and tyranny. We think if we can command dominance over impermanence through a sense of control that comfort will be felt as love.

In essence, we think by controlling the people and environment around us we keep them safe (i.e. “by our hand they shall know no pain nor death”) somehow this insane belief  has become what we call love.

In her book Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You Patricia Evans lays out a beautiful understanding of how and why the violence we see on the news every night takes place.

Somehow none of that makes it into any fairy tales.

I’ll leave you with a very simple thought about what real “True Love” is and how to check if it’s control pretending to be love;

True Love isn’t being ready to die for the person you love, that’s easy to imagine; Real Love is being ok with the other person taking a bullet, and dying for you.

True love is the opposite of control and that simply means…

…to love is to LET GO!

Let go of a sense that you’re somehow “less than” without some other person.

Love each and every person in your life as a full complete package, comprised of the same “bad” and “good” you’re beginning to know yourself as and you will become a vessel of true love in this world.

Once we all start to love ourselves and each other this way, it’s almost impossible to predict what the story books of tomorrow will be filled with.

woman reading a book

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