Expectations: Understanding Our Inner “Shoulds”

First, let’s start with a comparison between a goal and an expectation.

Simply stated a goal is a person’s aim, an aspiration, and contains an inherent allotment that the person isn’t there yet but hopes to be at some point in the future, and contains no judgement of whether or not they achieve it.

Expectation, like a goal, has an element of hopeful anticipation. However, it asserts all the inherent flaws associated with things like judgement and attachment; words such as; probable, certain, and obligated.

These words show how we set the stage for condemnation once a concept, be it about a set of circumstances or a person, is judged and found wanting.

And let’s face it, sadly we’re far more likely to be discussing expectations when they are not met versus when they are exceeded.

This understanding of expectation shows precisely how they lead our loving minds down a path of fear surrounding even the possibility of change because we become bound to an understanding of the world as something static and unchanging, just to feel at ease.

It was for this reason that I titled my podcast “psst… your crazy is showing” because I wanted to open the dialogue around just how insane our expectations are and how out of control they can be when left unchecked.

Our expectations seem to establish with impunity that the impermanent outer world maintains a particular static form, or performs some unchanging “role” in our lives, simply by our assertion that it’s the way it “should be” when we interact with it.

“The Only Thing That Is Constant Is Change -” ― Heraclitus

That said, it was my intent to always follow up the title “your crazy is showing” with a resounding  “…and it’s perfect and yours, be proud of it.” because it’s my core belief that we’re all here for the sole purpose of coming to that realization in our own way and at our own pace, so we might come to know (rather than just recite) what it means to “accept things as they are”, or simply “acceptance”.

Don’t be discouraged when you start to see the ways you may have been harsh or unforgiving with the people or circumstances in your life, be encouraged that just the act of becoming aware of such things takes your power back from the ego’s self-driving mechanism.

people doing marathon
It’s likely you will be nearly powerless to stop yourself from repeating those actions time and again when you first begin to notice you are interacting with something as though it’s impossible that it went under any change between now and the last time you interacted with it.

It will be most apparent in the interactions with people, more specifically the people with whom you have the longest history with.

In those relationships the ego has a lot of data to sort through and hit you with a very convincing form of pattern recognition. However, whenever we perform this reduction, in that we simplify a person down to a concept or a “means to an end”, we completely negate the fact that they are a wonderfully growing and changing person similar to you in every way that counts.

It saddens me to think I’m capable of such an act when I really stop and think about it because I find myself imagining that must be the process at work when people are reduced all the way down to property (“my wife”, “my mom”, etc.). However, once we get down to that level a person becomes a “thing” which it’s then a small leap to being measured as an asset, and then painfully the thought of people being bought and sold. An act which still takes place all over the world to this day.

Be warned surrounding thoughts of ill for perpetrators of such heinous crimes because I’m quick to catch these thoughts within me and try to remember we’re all playing the hero in some shape or form in our own individual story (however twisted the narrative must have become).

u1yTo love is to let live but when we take action based on love our actions become empowered with compassion and even “no” said sternly to people who find themselves in less than admirable circumstances becomes with positivity and acceptance at its roots.

Side Note: This idea, both accepting everyone (including human traffickers) and the “positive no”, is likely to stir some emotion and may generate some comments but this is one of the deepest and hardest to crack aspects of a love based ideology. I’m confident that love will allow us to have an open discussion and promote growth of any who bravely attempt to journey down that path together with me.

Lastly, try to remember that love is patient first and foremost, so be patient and kind to yourself and know that your self-awareness has a lot of stubborn layers to get through when trying to put an understanding of love over fear.

Be as present as you can be each moment and you will start to notice the signs sooner and sooner when the old habits re-emerge in new and shifting ways as they fight to stay locked in place.

I’m certain I’ve only just begun to unravel my full understanding of my personal inner fear patterns and I’m elated to have an open and honest place to grow with, and in front of, the world as it heals itself through each of us.

Thank you for reading and joining me on my journey.

light road landscape nature

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