Fake smiles, facades, and the shrinking or enlarging of our personalities while in the presence of certain people or groups; these are all things we do in order to maintain a sense that we’re in control of our environment.
We tell ourselves we do many of these things to shield people from “hurtful truths” or to “put on a strong face” so the people we care about don’t have to be burdened with our pain.
What I’m about to say probably won’t come as a surprise to anyone but these things are never for, or about, the people around you. They’re always more about making us feel safe and in control of a seemingly out of control world (i.e. they are our ego on a crusade of fear masked as a loving endeavor).
… Hmm, have I said that before? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Side Note: Sorry if I’m beginning to sound a little repetitive but I hope we’re all beginning to come to a shared understanding of, and maybe even have a bit more compassion for, how the myths surrounding demons and “the devil” come to be blamed for these behaviors because we try everything in our power to avoid looking at them.
For this reason I’ve come to the realization that the truth behind the old adage “the more you give, the more you get” is much less about some supposed sense of cosmic karma and more about us seeing barriers rather than opportunities.
It’s typically less about what you see and more about how you see it
Let me break that down a bit further;
Whatever actions we take, or the choices we make, in regard to the people we interact with on a daily basis becomes, by default, what we believe the world is.
Thus our “filter”, or the lens we look through when making judgements or classifications of others behavior, is set with these beliefs as our threshold, or max.
Our actions are usually the best we can hope to expect out of the people we come in contact with.
This fact is the basis for all the proverbs around; what you do unto others, you have done unto you, exponentially.
When you give, you see generosity, abundance, and kindness all around; and when you withhold (through lying, suppression, or exaggeration of your personality) you see scarcity, cheating, and deception at every turn.
Other than the self-sabotaging feeling we carry with us that we think we’re immune to, there is the real side impact of how others may begin to feel about us over any extended period of time.
When we choose to bring out our “puppets” and parade them in front of people it never goes unnoticed.
Humans are many things but horses with blinders on, we are not, when it comes to the way our loved ones treat us.
This fact is why many of us “compartmentalize” our relationships.
When we try to pull out more than one marionette at a time the strings immediately become visible as they get intertwined with one another.
The fear of abandonment or imposter syndrome this triggers often causes cracks in the foundation so deep that any structure built atop becomes in grave disrepair.
Remember this the next time you hold back what you think about how your boss is handling a meeting or you tell your spouse they look great in something you actually feel isn’t that flattering because you want to avoid an argument.
Knowing all this please start to ask yourself;
Is there any real good reason to withhold my true self from this world?
The truth will set you free!
I know it may sound as though I just laid judgement upon all those trapped behind this sort of support structure in their life but I’m not saying this for that reason at all.
I’m saying this to tell anyone who’ll listen that we all have a (love based) desire for true connection and companionship and the feeling of whether or not we’re achieving that goal is based on how people interact with us.
If I pull out my doll and you pull out yours and we have a “nice polite conversation” between them, it feels like exactly that.
It’s nearly impossible to get a sense of your true worth from an interaction between strictly mental concepts.
When you show up, drop your armor, and have meaningful deep conversations, people take note.
Slowly this will encourage others to let pieces of their armor fall to the floor as well and eventually we’ll all be “naked’ and free.
It’s hard to argue with the power a person projects when they’ve befriended their demons and it’s clear to see they fear very little, especially a perception of vulnerability.
Please just try to love yourself completely.
I’ll leave you with a wonderful quote that I recite almost daily, from Eckhart Tolle;
Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world