The Power And Paralysis of The Almighty “If”

“What if…”, “If only…”, “If this, then that”.

It’s amazing how two little letters can cause the mind to think it’s moving as it loses itself in a land of possibility.

As someone who isn’t content until he knows the why behind just about everything, there’s been periods in my life where it’s felt like any choice I make will lead to a place I don’t want to be.

Because of our desire for “certainty” and this feeling of paralysis that accompanies this desire we’ve always sought to “flatten” our universe into flavorless cold calculations since the day our intellect arrived on the scene.

This lead me personally to realize;

The longer we feel we need to know the outcome of our choices, the more time we experience the pain of indecision as we attempt to formulate and process all the variables


A Gift And A Curse

This is how and where the speed of computers changed the face of mankind in inconceivable, and to some degree imperceptible, ways.

Computers alleviated the pain of indecision by “freeing” us from the immense time it previously took to measure, define, and label all the variables around us.

In many ways it leveled the intellectual playing field. We no longer need to fully visualize and/or comprehend mass equations to feel equipped to make a decision based on “facts”.


That said, computers have allowed our logic based understanding of the universe to grow exponentially and assert dominance over the parts within us that exist below and above any mathematical computation.

From Ego To Inner “I Am”

I spent most of my adult life in an employment cycle where I;

  • Starting in a sales position with a large corporation
  • Moving up by making a name as someone who “gets things done”
  • Offering my assistance in the streamlining of daily process
  • Writing requested (but “unsanctioned”) code to fill an immediate need to eliminate and/or mitigate “non-essential” tasks
  • Pigeonholing myself as “indispensable”, due to no other support of the (integral) code at cost
  • Leaving the company with the blind egoic understanding that “I’m right” or “no one ever sees my value”
  • Repeat

Side Note: My hope in putting this out there is to illustrate the specifics behind how my ego was able to always find the suffering it was searching for (“never good or valuable enough“). Not just an example of the world’s worst resume.

Throughout this cycle I never deviated from being a disciple of my ego. Not surprising with its dazzling ability to maintain a paradox where I’m both superior (vision, logic, or coding ability) and at the same time worthless (no paycheck to prove it).

trick-card-hoodieThat’s the magic trick of all magic tricks.

The last time through, however, I managed to start asking the truly big picture question; “what’s the common variable throughout?”.

You guessed it, this guy (um…I mean me, not the guy in the hoodie in the pic).

Then came that fateful day when someone showed me Eckhart Tolle’s first book.

I began to understand the fallacy of “cause and effect” and see the truth behind the adage “time is an illusion”.

Finally I realized the division we all seem so desperate to maintain;

The core driving force behind our faith in the idea of separation between subject and object, is;

… the essential component required for a sense of safety expressed as an unflappable belief in a flat and finite, thus controllable (“if/then”), universe.

What Lies Beyond or Before (The Chicken and The Egg)

first-chicken-eggThis sense of safety equally establishes our need to define anything and everything (rocks, chickens, and people) as completely “known”, static, unchangeable, and relegate questions like “what makes life possible” or “what came before” as questions of philosophy rather than scientific in nature.

You see, if we can’t measure it, we can’t mitigate it, thus the “what comes after” question becomes the ultimate source of fear (and fear is most notably seen as control).

So, we do what we always do when trying to control, we move this question out of the group of “measurable” and put it into the classification we reserve for people we deem as “illogical” (with terms like: “hocus pocus”, “magic”, and “miracles”) and we’re free to maintain the “safety” of the known.

Remember that magic trick I mentioned?

This keeps us all feeling both superior (in logic and reason) and worthless (as a random spec just floating randomly in the infinite cosmos).


…and the ego shows he has a cycle built to withstand another thousand years or until we attempt to solve the cognitive dissonance by destroying ourselves completely.

Seek Your Truth And Free The World

As long as we seek to find a sense of worth through definitions (where we see ourselves as serving one particular purpose in the world; e.g. our job, our role as parent or child, etc.), we seek to maintain this cycle, in our own individual and identifiable way, seen as any effort to control in order to reduce our collective sense of fear.

When you begin to see the trick for what it is, and the elements as they appear in your life, please remember to root your sense of self in the love that becomes briefly and powerfully visible…. as the truth behind the fear.

fuel-gaugeRemember too, the ego seeks to have us never take our attention off the “fear fuel gauge”.

Thus, a search for truth is sold as the reduction of fear through categorization of life, in order to judge and condemn rather than expose us to  love’s complete acceptance, through trust and faith, as we learn to let go of our need for control completely.

Take note of anything that you hear or read that brings you inner peace, or helps you “hear the silence underneath”, and your truth will come perfectly and wonderfully as it’s meant to, at your own special pace and in your own time.

Thank you for everything you make possible and being a crucial piece of the perfection we all see when we look at life as a whole.tree-whole.png

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