Well it’s about time I face facts and give into the “real world” once again.
It’s time for me to once more become the full time idea-guy/whipping-boy/problem-solver/top-sales-person, or whatever, for some major corporation…
For those who may not know me personally or may not have been keeping up with my drama (the one thing I’m not in denial over is my level of stardom/fandom), I was laid off many months back, received a lump sum compensation, and have been trying desperately to find a way to stay connected with my creative and entrepreneurial spirit…it’s about time I have my “come to Jesus” moment.
I have been taking classes at the University of Richmond most of the time trying to certified under the new “Coding Boot Camp” style web development course they offer. So, I haven’t been twiddling my thumbs at all.
Sadly, it seems even though the money hasn’t been coming in, it never stops going out.
Feeling the pinch of choosing between food and finances has definitely had me in a whirlwind between freak out and “come at me bro’ in terms of handling those who express a need to collect.
I can honestly say I’m so grateful to have grown as a person over the last year, realizing “who I am” and experiencing what frightened me beyond words in the past, in terms of things I’d never want to do, say, or become. The fear just doesn’t have the same grip over my thoughts it once held.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s reaching a point I vowed a long time ago I’d never reach. Seeking assistance from things like unemployment and well fare… coming from a poor family and having multiple Christmases be church provided, I screamed at myself that I would never be here.
However, I just keep holding onto the understanding that that is the story,.
Now, some of you might be saying “that’s all any of us really have!”.
To that I say our story is one of a few untouchable, tangible, and real “things” any of us are able to “give” to the other souls we come in contact with, but it’s like everything in this universe, temporary and thus undeniably impermanent.
It’s the aspect of our existence that helps us to feel and connect with the part within that is truly permanent and immune from all temporal aspects of existence.
Said another way;
While our story is the telling of the contribution we make while being “of this world”, it’s best not to confuse it with that which is our being or our essence that’s just “in this world”
The story of who I am, isn’t who I am, and it isn’t who any of us really are.
Side note: I watched Tangled recently and noted that Flynn casually expresses the fact our reputation, or the story of Flynn is all he is, after he first meets Rapunzel… but, perhaps not by actually realizing it isn’t who he is, doesn’t he transcend his story eventually as well?
That said, I realized a while back that if I truly possess the faith I speak of there would come a time when it would be tested far more than just by a daily dialogue with my ego’s incessant poking, prodding, and self-doubt.
As Eckhart Tolle described in one of my favorite metaphors of his; everyone’s weather conditions at the top of life’s lake will inevitably begin to thrash and ignite in hellish ways at different points in our lives. He goes on to elaborate, this is our “life-situation”, not our life.
When we touch the consciousness inside of ourselves that makes everything possible we’re able to connect with the fact that we’re not just the surface of the lake, we reside deep in it’s depths as well.
There is a part in each of us that exists outside of time (i.e. is eternal, meaning forever and always, not at the end of this chapter or the next) that remains unaffected by the unfolding or retelling of the tales found within the story.
Back to Mr. Tolle’s teaching, what happens on the surface, perfect weather or tornadoes, we can be confident, calm, and in touch by knowing we are more than the forecast.
I don’t know what tribulations I’ll face today but I’m beginning to recognize what the pull of tomorrow really does to my present moment awareness and it’s inspiring to be able to so quickly return to a more balanced state and really know,
“it’s all going to be okay”
My hope is that this post, and any that come before or after, might touch just one person and help him or her to begin to listen for, and eventually hear, the whisper of truth about who we all really are under all the noise and static this world dolls out so readily.
Thanks for any and all who read these words, you make my universe possible by choosing to have yours collide with mine in infinitesimal and imperceptible ways but it means the world to this nerd.