This blog has been extremely eye opening for me in many ways.
Since having this awakening, or whatever you want to call it, I’ve realized just how much fear controlled my life previously and my lack of writing was a major one of those things.
I always knew my thoughts and ideas flowed with the ups and downs, but I’m kind of an assertive-type and an extreme extrovert (if you can’t tell), so I make a lot of “this is it!”, “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”, “how does everyone not know this?!” type of statements.
I now see them more clearly as an aspect of my ego’s childlike “know it all” side and it prevented me from writing because I secretly thought; if I write it down and my notions of “what is right” go changing again people will be able to “use it against me”.
Denial – Should I Make The Joke Or Is It Implied
Our beliefs are equally the source of our power and our invisible bondage
I realize now that writing it down, especially forcing myself to do so daily, has cleared an immense backlog of thoughts and emotions that even meditation has been unable to illuminate in a way that this blog has.
Now, the reason I say all of this is, I’m about to backpedal, just a little bit…
If you dig through the archives you’ll find this isn’t the first time I’ve brought up expectations. However, last time I held them much more in contempt than I do today.
You see, since starting this thing I’ve realized how much we all need our ego’s.
I know, shocker.
It sounds counter intuitive to what most folks on “the path” and I normally appear to touting.
However, I’m seeing now that the notion we derive from most messages as screaming “death to the ego” may be somewhat due to the way it hits our ears as we hear it from the other shore (if you know what I mean).
I’ve never stopped believing we’re both our light and our darkness, and that existence is kind of relying on us to be both, but I still seemed to side with the notion that the “ego must go” … until recently.
A Magnet In A Sea Of Negative Charge Haters
Let’s imagine for a moment that you were a magnet that became self-aware.
You can plainly see you have a north and a south pole because when you stick your top next to things, it attracts them while repelling others, same with your bottom half.
Now imagine you have no idea what is causing this strange phenomenon.
You’re clueless about the fact that you carry and overall “charge”.
You can understand some things are drawn to the top and some to the bottom, but you have no idea why it’s more work to attract those things some days (and there are also days you seem to not want to attract anything at all).
You’re conscious now, so you have an opinion (and a choice) about whether you want the things that are attracted to you, or whether you want to repel them.
It turns out, there are some things you interact with which make it easier to coexist with the other magnets (which was never a problem before we all had these damn thoughts).
[If you’re following this train you might be able to guess…]
Those things, that make coexistence easier, they’re attracted to your north pole.
What We Resist, Persists
Not realizing you carry an overall charge, the only logical thing to do seems to be actively trying to hide, or deny, your south pole in the hope that the north pole “stuff” will be fooled and won’t get repelled by it.
You start to wonder “why are magnets even made with a south pole in the first place?”.
Eventually, the lies you’re telling the other magnets to down play your south pole’s impact on you start to seep into your inner awareness.
You don’t understand why everyone seems so interested in talking about your south pole, because it obviously upsets you when they do.
It becomes a vicious cycle.
The more attention you put into focusing on “making your south pole more like your north pole” it seems to be having the opposite effect.
However, because we can tell by the increased “south pole stuff”, that this opposite effect is attracting, it further supports the notion that it must be because the south pole is; and again the logical thought arises;
“I just need to rid myself of that south pole completely to be happy”
As you begin to get the sense that it’s impossible you’ll ever step into a reality where you don’t have that beleaguering south pole, you begin to wish it would all just end.
There’s Only One Reality, This One, So By Default It’s Perfect
The mind’s ability to imagine an entirely different landscape is truly awe inspiring.
That said, please try to step out of the grand illusion with me for a second and realize;
Even if we dream up a landscape which we know, and can get huge majority to agree, is a version that’s measurably more right, holy, good, just, fair, and so on, than the one we currently occupy it doesn’t blink that landscape into existence over top of the existing one.
The only way to make that perfect dream landscape a reality is to take the journey required to get there, from the starting point of this existence…
..and the only way to be truly free of our denial when we get there is to open our eyes to the fact that there is only ever one reality, thus it is now and always has been, perfect by default.
If you were kidnapped, had a bag placed on your head that limited all sense of where you were going, and you were dropped onto a all-expense-paid-resort where the weather was perfect and anything you wanted was yours simply by asking…. would you still fight to escape since you believe it to be a prison?
Now ask yourself;
- Would you recognize heaven if you woke up tomorrow and the world matched your expectations of perfection, or;
- Would you try to escape
- Because fear and mistrust would have you believing the above example must be playing out
Batteries, And Expectations, Not Included
Took me a while to circle back to the title but I say all this hoping you understand why it’s so easy to hide our expectations, especially from ourselves, as most of us believe them to be an aspect of an inner “south pole”.
As you begin to embark on a path of complete acceptance, you’ll start to see that there are way more hidden expectations than you ever thought existed, and some of them may drudge up more fear than they squelch.
I still view our innate desire to control and manipulate the world around us as an aspect of our ego (and the expectations we set around establishing and maintaining it) that reflects the times in our lives when we’re clueless of our unseen “charge” and are trying to assert that we rid the world of all “south poles” so we don’t have to admit we have one…
… but I’m coming around to seeing that the ego is, like everything else, both good and bad and it’s when I get lost in thinking it’s one or the other that I start to slide down the slippery slope of judgement, yet again.
Embrace Your Magnetic Wisdom Within
“I don’t want to die, or feel pain at all, but I want to live to the fullest extent”
Just in case I didn’t make it obvious, the magnet metaphor was analogous of confusing ourselves with being just these temporal forms (with birth and death for “poles”) and that your “charge”, is the unseen force that never goes away.
It just flows in and out, from you and to you, and is eternal.
It makes me smile when I think how easy it is for us to label the two distinct properties of a magnet and argue so heavily about whether or not similar exists within each of us.
Maybe my tagline should read;
Fall a little more in love with your(charge), everyday