How do you define success?
For years I loathed even the mention of the word.
I think it triggered a whisper in the back of my awareness to lay into me with “you’ll never be enough”
Success to me has in some way always sounded synonymous with “enough”.
So every time it was brought up in the past, it was like someone asking …
“When are you going to finally be enough, you think?”
Enough Is Never Enough
Over the last few weeks I’ve talked about how the ego doesn’t really have desires, it is desire, in it’s purest form.
To believe any of us will ever be “enough”, based on this understanding is a poor assumption, at best, and a dangerous tenant which drives countless people to commit acts of violence, at worst.
The ego is built to keep us out of danger and what it views as the single largest threat to our survival is our desire for comfort.
Based on this, it fires up the mind in search of problems, and when it can see no real problem to solve it gets equally to work finding ways to shift our attention into a state of understanding where everything is a problem.
I mentioned phrases yesterday like “if I’m not busy living, I’m busy dying”, that reverberate this frequency of understanding openly.
The Mind Giveth Thought… And Giveth … And Giveth…. And Giveth
Finding balance and zen is about coming to the realization that all problems only ever exist on that plain existence.
This highly subjective part of our cognition was developed with one purpose, one solitary modus operandi, and that’s classification.
What some might call our “dark side” was installed in us and given equal share of command to give any of us a chance at;
- Perceiving the energy spinning around the nucleus of an atom as fixed and stable
- Being driven hard enough to feel compelled to define it, measure it, and quantify it completely
- In order to give birth to, and hopefully develop our confidence in, whatever we believe to be real
- (i.e. the understanding of where the dividing line sits between us and the rest of creation)
- Asserting; I am this, I am not that!
…and it does all of that in service of it’s primary directive;
“Do whatever it takes not to die!”
Lets Talk About Your “Other Half”
Hopefully, you’re starting to see just how foolhardy it is to think you can do, say, act, be, or become “enough” based only knowing ourselves under that mode of existence.
Now that we’re (maybe) starting to see eye to eye on our “dark side”, let’s talk about the other half.
Let’s just veer clear of calling it by name completely because that pokes the bee hive of the other side too much for most, so let’s just say “the aspect which the other side makes known”.
Deny it all you like, we’re just energy at our core and energy is anything but stable.
So why put something equally in charge of how we interact with this world that only sees it as fixed?
Simple, our ability to perceive light is based solely on how much, or how little, darkness we can see to give shape and depth to the light… so too resides the hope of consciousness on ever being able to fully realize, or know, what it means to be immortal.
Upon forfeiting our darkness, we lose the ability to know light
No Jedi Mind Tricks Here
You were born a master of light.
You were cut from the collective mode of existence and chosen (or “chose”; same same when viewed as “one” consciousness committing the act) to give rise to a greater understanding of the universe by way of tasting what it’s like to have no direct knowledge of where you came from or where you might go after.
Isn’t it the absolute bestest!!
It’s the ultimate catch 22;
Having an ability to perceive is what makes perception possible and there is no way we could have an ability to know what existence is in an absence of fear based on thinking “this might be all there is”, if we knew for certain it isn’t.
The Universal Stock Exchange
So here we are, we are the totality of all creation trying to get to know itself through cutting itself off from the knowledge of where it came from and where its going….
Okay, just in case I haven’t given you enough to chew on for now, let me give you one last metaphor, which I touched on in a previous post but have since refined a bit.
Imagine you’re a young stock broker eager to find his way in the world and see if you have what it takes and a wealthy older gentleman approaches you and tells you that he’ll give you a million dollars to do with as you please….
What’s the catch??
He tells you all you have to do is try to do your best and in 40 years he’ll ask you to come back and tell him everything you can about the experience.
Still highly suspect you take him up on it.
You start off strong, making money, losing some and then gaining it back.
One day the stock market plummets and you nearly lose it all, you’re devastated.
First you start thinking; “what am I going to tell the guy when I see him?”, “I can’t face him if I lose it all!”
As you begin to calm down, you start to remember clearly, “he said do whatever; I just need a story”, “I could have lost it all the first day but I didn’t”
Eventually you start to realize two things;
- I made it into 40 times what it was before it fell, I did it once I can do it again, and;
- A better story is filled with these types of dips, I have nothing to worry about.
- Even if I lose it all, he paid me to just be the character in my own story
Hey Big Guy, Suns Getting Real Low
Then the day comes.
You arrive at the room where you first met and it looks like he hasn’t aged a day.
Before you even say a word he looks at you, smiles, and says “I know what you want to ask me”.
Taken aback you say wryly, “oh yeah, what’s that?”
He says, “above all the other stuff about who I am and the source of my wealth, you want to know why I did it”.
A bit surprised you grin and say “well??”.
As he smiles a grin so big it takes your breath away, wondering how someone with so much could value your insight so highly, he says;
“It’s all mine, all of it.”
“The trading floor, the companies being bought and sold, the houses and the cars people are buying using chunks of money they earn buying and selling companies I own….
….the entire paper trail of ownership rolls back up to me through some holding company, or the banks that grant everyone the loans”
“You see son, owning everything makes it impossible for me to experience the excitement you were afforded; the exhilaration of the fear from imagining you might lose it all as you decide how much, or how little, to risk on your next move.”
He sits back in his chair as he closes his eyes slowly and says,
“Now that’s out of the way, it’s your turn.”
“Do you have the gift that only you can give that you promised me the day I gave you the money?”
Confused, and feeling your stomach drop knowing all you brought is the clothes on your back, you sheepishly say “gift, what gift?”
He chuckles and says, “the one you’ve been dying to give me since you got in here…. the first hand account of what it was like for you specifically”.
As you go to open your mouth to start telling your stories, the urge to ask another question you hadn’t thought of before that moment arises, and you ask… “um, sir, why me?”.
Somehow looking both surprised and expecting the question he says simply;
“You weren’t the only one I gave this to, but seeing as how that doesn’t answer the question, how does this sound;
“You’re my son.”, he says, pausing for a moment, and then continuing on.
“All that is mine is, and always has been, yours.”
“However, had I told you this fact when I handed you the money, well then…”
“We’d have nothing to talk about now.
Now would we?”
It’s all yours, it always is and it always was.
It gets hard to see it from a place of knowing sometimes, especially the moments the flow of energy wanes lower than we ever imagined possible.
I believe all the ups and downs we go through will be revealed as the beautiful shades of light and color on the canvas of creation that they are.
Once we’re all afforded a perspective that we’re more than the paint that comes from the fear that we may never be enough, we start to see that we just might be the reason any of it takes form in the first place.