The Journey Home: A [Long] Introduction to The God Paradox or Love Blindness

I know my last post said I was delayed but this woke me up in the middle of the night screaming to be heard ….

What you’re about to read has the potential to shift your reality as you know it.

I realize that’s an extremely bold statement; however, I’m confident if you stick with me you’ll see the enormity of what I’m attempting to convey in the “simplicity” of what follows. Continue reading “The Journey Home: A [Long] Introduction to The God Paradox or Love Blindness”

True Love: Myths, Misdirections, and Misery Masquerading as Its Opposite

What is True Love?

A question as old as time, shrouded in fairy tales with long forgotten origins and muddled with feelings of longing and passion.  The sorta thing our intuition screams at us is the “reason we’re here”.

Since it’s something most of us believe we’re born able to recognize, why does it seem to vanish almost the instant we start to feel it?

The answer is something most might not be ready to hear but I can promise you it’s something you’ll want to start to give significant time to if real love is missing from your life (whether you’re in a relationship or not).

Truth is; what we’ve all been looking for, the kind of love we tell each other is out there for us to find, simply doesn’t exist.

Hold on now, that isn’t to say there are no “happy endings” but we have to start by saying that all the other fairy tales out there have been badly misrepresenting real love.

True Love does exist but we need to unwind the simple fact that what you feel it as and what you’ve been told you’re looking for are NOT the same thing.

The cheap knockoff you read about in Sleeping Beauty or convincingly felt as you heard the line “you complete me” in some romcom is the lie meant to help us avoid seeing that version for what it really is;

Fear masquerading as Love

If nothing else I say in this article makes sense, please begin to realize what these prevalent myths don’t want you to believe; and that is simply this;

Only you can complete you

Let me say that a different way so that we might start to see how we ever thought otherwise;

black and white black and white depressed depression

Egos need other egos to survive!

If everyone realized they are the love they seek and its source is within you and we need no one else to feel its full power…

…the ego’s fear engine would lose its fuel source permanently!

Wake up “Sleeping Beauty” every morning by kissing that beautiful face staring back at you in the mirror.

Now you might be thinking “that’s all fine and good but if I can understand that concept why do I still have this longing in my core for something external?”.

I’m so happy you ask, that is the difference between knowing there is an illusion in play and being able to see through it.

Most of us think that when you fully comprehend something as an illusion (or as “not what it appears to be”) that comprehension will immediately lift the veil and we can expose Oz standing behind the curtain and move on. This sadly isn’t the case.

It’s like standing at the foot of a mountain looking at the peak and thinking “ok any second I’ll be at the top enjoying the view and snapping pics for my Instagram”.

This distinction between knowing and comprehension is one of the real players at work in why love has been able to stay wrapped up in its opposite for so long.

Click Here to Pause For Clarity and Peace:

Wherever you are now, whatever love you have or don’t have in your life is perfect and is exactly what you require on your journey toward full comprehension.

Brief summation from No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering:

We need the feeling of lack to fertilize the soil of understanding for the seeds of compassion to grow fully.

Seeing the top of the mountain, more importantly seeing other people crest its peak, makes us hold tight to the idea that we can close our eyes and be there in an instant because we know where we “should be”. Fear would have you believe you “should be” “up there”, well you’ll hear me say this more than once;

Always believe you’re exactly where you “should be” at this moment, because if you were truly meant to be somewhere else, you’d be there instead.

Nerd Side Note: Only click here if this sounds too much like “everything happens for a reason” and you want to hear a bit more of a scientific outline;

It cracks me up the same people who classify the statement “everything happens for a reason” as “spiritual belief that can be dismissed by science as random events that humans give meaning to” seem to be the same people who hold fast to science’s theory of cause and effect.

How are those ideas different?

At any given point in time you can look back and see the reason (cause) for what happened (effect) but as it’s occurring it feels somehow more “logical” to say that it’s all random, um, am I the only one who hears the contradiction arising from the attempt to make one side “right” on the backs of making the other side “wrong”.

This Paradoxical Existence we’re all living dictates that we start to realize things as both, simultaneously true and false, to allow for perception or consciousness to exist.

Without light we cannot perceive (or measure) darkness. Without true we cannot define false. Without subject(ive) there is no object(ive).

Everything is and isn’t, just ask Shrodinger’s Cat.

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There aren’t any portal guns to open a gateway into another dimension that I’m aware of.

However, fear (or logic) would have us believe that we can control everything in this moment if we just had all the variables.

Control is fear’s ultimate trick to create a sense of love because we mistake feeling safe with love.

cyclone fence in shallow photography

Please don’t be fooled. Control is the root of all arguments, violence, and tyranny. We think if we can command dominance over impermanence through a sense of control that comfort will be felt as love.

In essence, we think by controlling the people and environment around us we keep them safe (i.e. “by our hand they shall know no pain nor death”) somehow this insane belief  has become what we call love.

In her book Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You Patricia Evans lays out a beautiful understanding of how and why the violence we see on the news every night takes place.

Somehow none of that makes it into any fairy tales.

I’ll leave you with a very simple thought about what real “True Love” is and how to check if it’s control pretending to be love;

True Love isn’t being ready to die for the person you love, that’s easy to imagine; Real Love is being ok with the other person taking a bullet, and dying for you.

True love is the opposite of control and that simply means…

…to love is to LET GO!

Let go of a sense that you’re somehow “less than” without some other person.

Love each and every person in your life as a full complete package, comprised of the same “bad” and “good” you’re beginning to know yourself as and you will become a vessel of true love in this world.

Once we all start to love ourselves and each other this way, it’s almost impossible to predict what the story books of tomorrow will be filled with.

woman reading a book

Break The Silence: Can we talk about conversation avoidance? [An Internal QnA]

In these turbulent and polarized times we live in we all get a sense that there are topics we should avoid because of the volatility associated with them.

Based on this feeling do you find yourself thinking; “How are we going to heal if we don’t talk about it?”, “Why do I spend so much energy walking on eggshells every day?”, or possibly worst of all; “I’ll just cut [him\her\them] off completely and go find a person, or group of people, that doesn’t talk about such divisive topics and thinks more like I do so we aren’t arguing all the time”.

When injured in battle and you try to avoid paying attention to a gaping wound, does it usually just go away or does it tend to fester, get infected, and likely end up needing to be amputated to avoid killing us completely?

Sorry for the graphic depiction but this is what we’re doing while we’re all trying to “play nice”. People are losing friends, family, and war is building in the background in many places. You tell me; does that sound like the current strategy is working?

You might be able to guess where I’m headed since this blog is about love and it seems to be my go-to solution. Well, you’d be half right.

For many of us lost in the egocentric, “here’s how my feelings were hurt”, “validate me by agreeing with me” culture we live in, it actually feels like avoiding conversation, based on what we know about people, is an act of love.

Have you ever heard the saying “a wolf in sheep’s clothing”?

Scooby-DemonShark-05-Unmasked

When the ego masquerades as love it’s extremely difficult to talk about love without first unmasking this Scooby-Doo villain.

To see what I mean by this lets try a very brief self-awareness evaluation;

Take a second and think about avoiding a topic of conversation with someone you love.

Okay now, do you have just the thought of avoiding a topic, not a particular topic you tend to avoid, just the act of avoidance itself in mind?

Wait, are you finding it hard to separate the two? [Maybe this should be the first clue]

Did the feeling associated with even thinking about avoidance feel like love… or did it feel like fear (or even worse hate)?

That demonstration hopefully illustrates how much this idea is swirled together with a particular topic or a particular time in our lives. Often we’re not even sure why we’re arguing at this point.

There’s a very simple underlying root of these feelings but it can be something hard for us to admit to.

It’s: Condemnation

Now before anyone starts yelling “I’m not a judgmental person, how can you accuse me of condemning people?!”, ask yourself;

What is your motivation when you argue or even just defend your stance in a conversation?

Dig deep now; are you actually trying to listen intently to what the other person is saying… even if you’ve had the exact same conversation 10, 20, or 100 times?

It’s the latter piece that seems to expose the truth, our complete opposition to a desire to be patient. If you’ve ever felt what it feels like when someone is being patient with you, you KNOW love is patience personified.

Every interaction you have with people is a 50/50 exchange of energy and both parties cause the resulting feelings of hurt and anger.

Let me say it again a different way, No one is ever “at fault” for an argument.

Seeking blame exposes the lie that we aren’t judgmental. The lie is allowed to persist because it’s framed as each party being “in judgement” of the point of discussion not about the person the discussion is with.

However, our internal attachments are made manifest through our resisting of “negative” or clinging to “positive” , thus condemning those who identify with the former and seeking to fill our universe with only people who personify the latter.

If that isn’t judgmental, please speak up in the comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what is.

Only the times when someone says something that strikes a chord of our inner avoidance or denial that it manifests itself externally as seeking blame, fault, or our need to be right by demonstrating just how wrong others can be.

Thus, these “arenas” are where each person’s lack of self-love and self-acceptance is laid bear for the world to see. This is the real reason these interactions are being sited as the source and we see the other person as the external source of our struggle.

Is it becoming clearer now why the worst thing we can do is extricate ourselves from these circumstances or people (especially when they’re occurring with people we truly care for)?

woman s playing red and black wooden acoustic guitar

So, where do we go from here?

You guessed it; LOVE…

However, this time it’s not simply about joining hands in a circle and singing Kumbaya.

It’s about realizing that loving your neighbor as yourself means you must learn to love yourself on high.

I promise you, the more you stop seeking absolution externally and start to cherish the parts inside that “shouldn’t be there” that a shift toward a more complete understanding will begin to arise.

Your internal conversation will start to sound more like this;

“My unwanted parts are there because I need them, for now, but eventually I’ll see the truth behind the fear.”

This is what is meant to transmute fear (or hate) into love and transmute suffering into compassion.

I’ll leave you with four more rhetorical questions (if you’re still with me after this Spanish Inquisition);

Why do support groups work?

Is it possible we feel the deepest love from people who have been through similar circumstances because they know what it’s like?

Isn’t that an example of love being known through fear by transmuting suffering into compassion?

Aren’t we all ready to join the “My ego won’t stop telling me how awful I am” support group?

ground group growth hands

Related Books for reference or help our not so friendly egos;

 

Crash Course in Confidence: Displaying Dominance Without Being Domineering Through Self-Acceptance

“Just be yourself”, “fake it until you make it”, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”; we’ve all heard aphorisms along these lines and thought “it sounds easy enough” or “easy for you to say, you’re already famous which is why we’re listening to you in the first place”.

It’s easy to get an initial gung-ho feeling when we first wake up to the presence of our insecurities and begin to feel like we can make a real difference in this world.

However, that feeling can quickly diminish amidst the old ideas like “if everyone could do this, why aren’t they?” or “who am I to do better for myself than those struggling around me with the same issues?”.

Those thoughts take root because the ego’s job is to make you believe that discomfort is something to be afraid of.

Not only does doing something different cause us to fear replacing “the devil we know” but it’s the fear that we’ll somehow lose our “humility” by setting ourselves above our social circle when we shed the old destructive patterns that allowed us to make friends in the first place.

Side Note: Can we pause for a second and examine this thing called: humility?

In my opinion Rick Warren (often misattributed to C.S. Lewis) said it perfectly;

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”

Becoming the fullest version of yourself (by loving and accepting all parts as perfect because they make up the whole) allows you to spread your wings as far as they can stretch.

The first thing people notice when they start to grasp this idea is the false sense that this is selfishness, that by taking all that is rightfully yours leaves less for others.

Let me say it again; THIS IS FALSE!

When you view and understand the world as the interconnected whole (and know it as unlimited and pure potential, rather than divisive, competitive, and a zero-sum-game), you immediately realize that holding yourself back in any area is helping to create the sense of scarcity that is hiding behind your bad habits in the first place and is fueling all of our fears.

That said, how do you comfortably dismiss this fear of becoming some “over powering presence” that people don’t want to be around because it sheds light on the things they may not want to look at?

One word: Love

sunset hands love woman

The kind of love that poets and playwrights have been filling the world with impressions of since time immemorial.

When you love and accept yourself (truly), the way these poets speak of loving someone else, you unlock the path to demonstrating to people that you can become “better” in the aspects you share with them while not needing them to change those aspects within themselves.

True-love (whether self-love or for a partner) is felt when there is an absolute non-existence of all judgement.

Let me be clear: that doesn’t mean you fail to classify aspects you see as “positive” or “negative”, it means you do this while withholding desire to expel the negative or the need to cling to the positive. [I will be hammering this point over and over in my posts]

When you know what that love feels like (which can only be felt and understood as “true” AFTER you feel it for yourself) you can look at all those you come in contact with and truthfully say;

I love you as you are, not as I need you to be.

This is the root of true confidence and is not something you can “fake” nor does it need or ask you to.

Faking is hiding from and trying to deny the parts you are uncomfortable with. Faking is the biggest sign of an internal attempt to control and control is the root of domineering behavior.

As anyone that has met leaders and figureheads that embody full acceptance and love will tell you, they are powerful AND present. They give their full attention to everyone they talk to which makes others feel elevated and confident, not lesser-than or judged.

Become your full self by loving and accepting the things you find that you may not be proud of.

That’s it, it’s that simple.

The most difficult thing you’re going to find is how much of yourself your ego has actively been hiding from you over the years.

The more you’re present with yourself the more “light” will expose these “darker” elements. Thus, if you aren’t being truthful with yourself about your self-acceptance you will quickly close the door on the scarier parts as they get revealed.

Be patient, be kind, be honest, but most importantly; just be love.

boy wearing orange shirt blowing on dandelion

You are love behind all the layers.

Remember, the fear that bubbles up is the lie.

Each and everyone of us needed to tell these lies to survive the times that established their position in, and significance to, our sense of self.

Try your best to be nice to the little kid inside your head that just wants everybody to get along, be friends, and have fun. He did the absolute best he could with what he had at the time (and still is).

Stay with the fear and it will show you a clear outline, as it was always meant to, on the path to understanding and compassion as you embark on the road to what is real.

welcome-to-the-real-world